


broken

by sexiudreams (Loki_Likey_Thor_Odinson)



Series: XiuKai [3]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Character Death, Flashbacks, Jongin-centric, M/M, Nightmares, Suicide mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-25 18:16:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15646272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loki_Likey_Thor_Odinson/pseuds/sexiudreams
Summary: The dream shouldn't wrap it's hands around Jongin's throat when he's drunk; but it does, and it's so fucking unfair. It's fucking unfair because his nightmare is his reality, and his reality is his nightmare.





	broken

The dream comes to him again as he's passed out on the kitchen table. Alcohol, too much alcohol, numbs his brain and body. He shouldn't have the dream, doesn't usually when he's too drunk to breathe. It shouldn't wrap its skeletal fingers around his throat and choke him. It wouldn't usually wrap him in an icy embrace that chills to the bone. It can't make his tears fall and mark the table, turning it dark brown instead of oak.   
  
But it does.  
  
Jongin is trapped in hell as the scene replays again and again in his mind. He's choked as he watches the car come from nowhere. They were just walking over the road, Minseok's gummy smile wide and loving. Jongin and Minseok's hands entwined, fingers squeezing each other. They had just done an interview, questions about their newly revealed relationship. They were happy. They were in love.  
  
The car comes from nowhere behind Minseok.  
  
It crosses over the crest of the hill and slams its breaks. Jongin jumps back to the curb, instinct sparking alive in him, the instinct to live. Minseok is shocked by the movement and their hands let go of each other; he let go at the last fucking second Jongin could have yanked him back.  
  
The car swerves. Minseok's head turns. Minseok hits the tarmac.  
  
Jongin starts screaming. Minseok chokes. The driver screams from his seat.  
  
Jongin runs to his boyfriend's side. People are staring in shock. Fans are screaming; Jongin is screaming.  
  
Minseok holds his hand and Jongin cradles his lover's head in his lap. Their fingers interlink and squeeze each other as Minseok breathes. The oxygen rattles around his chest. Jongin has never heard a worse noise. Minseok tries to speak; can't, he can't draw breathe, coughs up blood onto his pale chin. Jongin shakes as he wipes it away.  
  
Sirens in the distance, blissful, glorious sirens. Jongin's never heard a more beautiful noise. They get closer as Minseok's chest rattles louder.  
  
Jongin chokes on his own tears; says _no no, keep your eyes open Minseokkie! Keep them open can't you hear it! They're almost here stay awake! Please, stay awake for me.  
  
_ But Minseok can't stay awake. His chest gets quieter, more of a hissing than a rattling now. The paramedics are there, gently pulling Jongin away. Needles are pushed into small arms and a breathing mask covers the slight quirk of a disbelieving smile. Feline eyes flicker closed, eyelashes spread over too pale skin. They don't reopen, not whilst Jongin is looking.  
  
The ambulance is small and rocking and Jongin feels like he's on a boat. A boat lost in somewhere he doesn't belong. This is just a nightmare - _and that's the sick joke because this is a nightmare_ \-  and he'll just wake up from it - __and he will but reality remains a nightmare.  
  
Jongin's pacing too white walls, staring at the floor. He hasn't explained to anyone, too scared to speak. If he opens his mouth, the tears will start flowing. Minseokkie hates tears. Hates seeing them, he won't cry. He's cried and done his crying, he has to be strong, be strong and Minseok will wake up and tease him for crying.  
  
But Minseok doesn't wake up; beautiful, pristine, happy, loving Minseokkie is lost to the realm of sleep, never to wake up. Jongin doesn't cry. It's a joke and Minseok will be at the dormitory, laughing at Jongin as he walks in.  
  
But Minseok isn't as Jongin sits down on their joint bed, tears pooling in his eyes. It's a sick joke but it's not. It's a disgustingly bad joke with no taste but its reality, as he knocks down their couple picture in their room.  
  
Jongin wakes up with a jolt to hit his head on the table and curse. The table underneath is sodden with his tears. Jongin wonders one day if it'll give way and collapse in a crumpled wet mess. Only he does that, only he seems to have the right. Jongin takes another swig of the whiskey by his side and sniffles.  
  
Vaguely, he wonders which dream it'll be when he drifts back into an alcohol-fuelled sleep. It's always a different dream but it's always the dream. Its hands are still tight around his throat and he struggles to swallow the cheap alcohol.  
  
Will Minseok hang himself and fall limp in Jongin's arms when he hysterically cuts him down? Will it be the car again? Will it be Minseok, precious Minseok, being murdered in front of his eyes?  
  
He doesn't know as he downs as much whiskey as he can in three gulps, woozy already. He doesn't know which of his demons will haunt him as he lays his head back down, eyes fixed on Minseok's funeral photo sat on the side.  
  
The car had been the one that took him away.  
  
The dream likes to wrap its hands around his throat and choke him, like Minseok's last breath.

**Author's Note:**

> idk why angst comes so easily for me for these two im sOrry


End file.
